Reaching a lake in my journey where I am just looking at myself, viewing all my vulnerabilities. The lake is your mind which gives an honest reflection. Presently it is very disturbed, the mud is all scattered. I am finding the world with eyes closed hard to bear as there I have no choice but to face my doubts, my thoughts and the confusion. And the world with eyes open is no cake either, where manifestations of your thoughts create the world and presents itself in so many ways. While going around, and feeling the confusion within, I wish to sit in silence but the wave of thoughts, doubts and confusion as soon as I sit just blow me away, so much that sitting for 10 minutes also seems huge.
At my current understanding, I feel we take birth to learn some essential values and lessons and the biggest hurdle I am facing now is about the "relative relevance" of money. Knowing people who shift from corporate ladder to community, I feel a push but also knowing the fact that they have had their around 10 years of corporate experience and a decent savings in those years, to survive another 10 years, makes me think. The biggest issue here is that I have to face the values I myself created for myself. Knowing that money is nothing but a fuel necessary for your body to survive, still
1.the social pressures,
2.fear of future and
3.achieving some dreams you yourself set
makes my mind to wobble. The 1st and 2nd are relatively more easy to overcome once you know the answers to your life's questions. But facing the 3rd seems the most difficult. Some clarity is needed to face both others and yourself, but the whole point of life is to attain clarity.
Faced with options yesterday, I mentally, instantly without much thought chose one option and as soon as I came along with myself, I realised that the choice went completely against most of the outer principles I always believed in for years. And this was the most horrible part. Facing yourself. Actually that makes you think about the validity of those principles also.
In the state when your brain/mind is not using all the logic it has and faced with options, you do make a choice, is the choice from the heart? And should we go along with the choice because maybe the choice was from the heart? Truly speaking, I think the answer should be "No", not much because I have some positive arguments about it, but more because I think most people commit their first mistakes in any field when they leave all logic. No I am not saying we should not hear our heart, as listening your heart only brings you back on correct path, surely we need to hear our heart. But maybe, and I say maybe, in the state of confusion , when mind doesn't work, heart gets overloaded and desire and passion generate which might take one on wrong path. In simple terms, it might translate as being mindful and not mindless, but on another level, the whole term mindful doesn't evoke many nice feelings for me as mind creates all sort of illusions but I get both sides of the view, so lets leave this point for now.
So I don't know why and what I wrote here, but it is the result of confusion in mind and trouble in facing both the outer and inner world possibly due to lack of clarity. The one clear call I received was to write and here it is. No structure, no purpose, pure opening of heart and sharing my doubts and vulnerabilities.
At my current understanding, I feel we take birth to learn some essential values and lessons and the biggest hurdle I am facing now is about the "relative relevance" of money. Knowing people who shift from corporate ladder to community, I feel a push but also knowing the fact that they have had their around 10 years of corporate experience and a decent savings in those years, to survive another 10 years, makes me think. The biggest issue here is that I have to face the values I myself created for myself. Knowing that money is nothing but a fuel necessary for your body to survive, still
1.the social pressures,
2.fear of future and
3.achieving some dreams you yourself set
makes my mind to wobble. The 1st and 2nd are relatively more easy to overcome once you know the answers to your life's questions. But facing the 3rd seems the most difficult. Some clarity is needed to face both others and yourself, but the whole point of life is to attain clarity.
Faced with options yesterday, I mentally, instantly without much thought chose one option and as soon as I came along with myself, I realised that the choice went completely against most of the outer principles I always believed in for years. And this was the most horrible part. Facing yourself. Actually that makes you think about the validity of those principles also.
In the state when your brain/mind is not using all the logic it has and faced with options, you do make a choice, is the choice from the heart? And should we go along with the choice because maybe the choice was from the heart? Truly speaking, I think the answer should be "No", not much because I have some positive arguments about it, but more because I think most people commit their first mistakes in any field when they leave all logic. No I am not saying we should not hear our heart, as listening your heart only brings you back on correct path, surely we need to hear our heart. But maybe, and I say maybe, in the state of confusion , when mind doesn't work, heart gets overloaded and desire and passion generate which might take one on wrong path. In simple terms, it might translate as being mindful and not mindless, but on another level, the whole term mindful doesn't evoke many nice feelings for me as mind creates all sort of illusions but I get both sides of the view, so lets leave this point for now.
So I don't know why and what I wrote here, but it is the result of confusion in mind and trouble in facing both the outer and inner world possibly due to lack of clarity. The one clear call I received was to write and here it is. No structure, no purpose, pure opening of heart and sharing my doubts and vulnerabilities.
